What If the Anxiety You’ve Been Living With Isn’t Just “Anxiety”?
Alexia cleared her own tokophobia and developed a method that has helped women clear theirs for more than 10 years.
For years, I thought I was just “bad at life”.
I felt anxious.
Disconnected.
Like something was always a bit off.
And yet… I couldn’t quite explain why.
I was barely coping.
And then I saw two pink lines on a pregnancy test.
What happened next felt like falling off an emotional cliff.
Terror. Confusion. Grief. Panic.
It was like something exploded inside me.
I now call that moment “the split” – the moment where what I later called reproductive anxiety disorder fully activated in my system.
Back then, I didn’t know that name.
All I knew was: I couldn’t carry on being pregnant.
And I didn’t understand why.
For many women, anxiety is tied to reproduction
It can be more than fear of birth, not liking children or “just hormones”.
It’s a very specific form of anxiety that wakes up during:
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Puberty
-
Fertility decisions
-
Pregnancy
-
Motherhood
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Menopause
Women I’ve worked with have said things like:
“I didn’t even realise I was avoiding it.”
“I didn’t know this was a thing.”
“I thought it was just me.”
So I started giving it a name.
I call it reproductive anxiety disorder (RAD), a framework I developed rather than a clinical diagnosis, and I believe it’s the mother of anxiety.
What it can look like:
Feeling triggered by baby talk or pregnancy announcements
Wanting a family but panicking at the idea of being pregnant
Shutting down emotionally during fertility treatment or the postnatal period
Fearing sex, intimacy, or your own body
Feeling more anxious in perimenopause – and not knowing why
Many of these experiences are written off as “just anxiety” or “just hormones”.
But what if they’re not?
What if there’s something deeper going on?
Naming it
When I realised that the fear I was experiencing had a pattern – and that I wasn’t the only one – everything changed.
I wasn’t dramatic.
I wasn’t “just anxious”.
I was carrying something no one had helped me name.
And once I started naming it – I could start healing it.
Now I help women all over the world do the same.
With love,
Alexia x
If you want help with this, there are resources for you.
You can also listen to the Tik-Tokophobia podcast – where we explore these themes and share our stories.
About the author: Alexia Leachman has specialised in tokophobia and reproductive anxiety since 2015, and has personal experience of tokophobia. She is the founder of Fear Free Childbirth and hosts its podcast. She developed the Head Trash Clearance Method, which she uses in her work with women and teaches to perinatal professionals. She is the author of Fearless Birthing and Betrayed By Your Biology and a contributor to Childbirth, Midwifery and the Media. Alexia cleared her own tokophobia before the birth of her first daughter in 2010. More about Alexia ›
Fear Free Childbirth is a publication and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health care. If you’re struggling to cope or in crisis, please contact your GP, midwife or a qualified professional.
- A Healthy Baby Doesn’t Mean the Birth Wasn’t Traumatic: What New Research Shows - 23rd October 2026
- What Happened to Having Babies? Fertility, Fear and the Rabbit Hole - 23rd October 2026
- Thousands of Mothers May Be Living With Undiagnosed PTSD After Childbirth - 16th October 2026
